Like any good newspaper office, the Houston Herald headquarters is equipped with scanners that allow communication between dispatchers, law officers and emergency responders to be heard.
I heard something the other morning that got my attention. A woman at the Texas County 911 office called to a local agency to respond to a “possible female subject assaulted.”
Now, I’m sure she meant there had been a “possible assault on a female subject,” right?
But not so fast – this is June 2016. Perhaps she meant exactly what she said. Perhaps there was evidence that the alleged victim was female, but there was enough doubt to warrant caution.
Or perhaps the 911 dispatcher was just leaning (heavily) toward the side of political correctness, and making the alleged victim’s gender less of an issue than the alleged assault. I mean, what difference does it make whether a woman or man is assaulted, right? The point is, someone was assaulted (allegedly).
That being the case, I would say the dispatcher’s job was incomplete. That being the case, the statement on the radio should have been “possible human assaulted.”
That way you have no reference to gender at all. And of course, we all know how insignificant gender is these days. Right?
But that might still be confusing, because we’re then dealing with a “possible human.” That obviously means we could also be dealing with something non-human.
Of course, some humans would claim that other humans are more like animals, so perhaps referring to an alleged victim as possibly human is somewhat accurate.
And let us not overlook that there are many folks who believe the colonization of Earth has begun and there are already alien entities among us, perhaps even posing as humans (animal-like or otherwise). So maybe the alleged assault involved one or more ETs, and we probably would have no way of knowing whether they’re male or female – or if there is such a thing where they’re from.
That being the case, maybe a 911 dispatcher should just call for a response to “a possible assault,” and not only leave gender out of the picture, but species as well.
I guess that way nobody gets confused, embarrassed or offended, and the only issue addressed is the one that’s truly relevant: there has been an assault (allegedly). Right?
But with no species to go by, you might say, “so how would the cops know what to look for?”
A fair response might be, “it’s their job to figure that out.”
A cop’s response to that might be, “what the heck?”
I guess there was also the possibility that the “possible female subject” could have been about to enter the wrong bathroom. At least the wrong one in the mind of the possible male or female subject who did the assaulting. Or other life form, gender and species notwithstanding.
Let’s face it – you just never know these days. Just sayin’.
Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.
