I recently noticed a feature in a small local publication that caught my eye and tickled my fancy.
The introduction said an elementary school teacher with 26 first-grade students in her class had (allegedly) presented each child with the first portion of a well-known old-saying (or modern proverb, if you will) and asked them to complete it.
Let me just say that I hope these responses truly did come from first-graders, because if they did, they’re awesome – you can’t really argue with any of them. Actually, even if they came from fifth-graders, they’re still amazing, but for the sake of sheer amazement, let’s just say they came from 6-year-olds (maybe with a little spelling and grammatical help from said teacher).
Just for fun, here are a bunch of them (in no particular order). The parts kids received are before the dashes, and the endings they provided follow. That’s all followed by (big surprise) my two cents.
•Strike while the – bug is close.
You gotta take your best shot when your best shot can be taken. If you miss, well, regroup and prepare for your second-best shot.
•Never underestimate the power of – termites.
That’s great advice, because they can chomp up your day in a hurry.
But as George Carlin once said, “never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” That’s even better advice – and there seem to be a lot of those groups around these days.
•No news is – impossible.
Speaking of impossible, that’s impossible to argue with. Especially these days when even “fake news” becomes news.
•Don’t change horses – until they stop running.
I’d say this kid has been brought up with a “safety first” outlook. Either that or he or she saw something really funny happen to mom, dad or a sibling.
•An idle mind is the best way to – relax.
There’s an old saying: “Think too much and you’ll create a problem that wasn’t there in the first place.”
A mind does need to be put in idle mode now and then. It’s possible, though, that too many people leave theirs out of gear too much.
•A penny saved is – not much.
That has been true for a long time, and will be even truer tomorrow than today.
•Love all, trust – me.
I’m thinking this kid could have a fine career in politics or sales.
•Don’t bite the hand that – looks dirty.
Don’t bite the food that looks dirty, either. In fact, don’t bite anything that looks dirty! Wait, why would we bite anything but clean food? Ick!
•A miss is as good as a – mister.
That’s what I’m talking about – equality between genders. Actual genders, that is.
•You can’t teach an old dog new – math.
Based on evidence (like test scores), dogs aren’t the only life forms not being taught math very well these days. Hey, just because the truth hurts doesn’t mean it’s not the truth.
•If you lie down with dogs you’ll – stink in the morning.
So then, a sled operator in the Great White North must be highly odiferous after a “three dog night” (look it up).
•The pen is mightier than – pigs.
That stands to reason if you’re talking about sturdy, metal holding pens, because when pigs are put inside them, they seem to stay put more often than not. The again, Google “hogzilla” (a real-life monster swine in Georgia) and you might end up channeling police chief Martin Brody from the movie “Jaws,” and think to yourself, “we’re gonna need a bigger pen.”
•Don’t put off till tomorrow what – you put on to go to bed.
Well said – unless a person likes to sleep in the buff.
•You get out of something only what you – see in the picture on the box.
I submit that these days, you might not even get what you see on the picture. You might only get part of what’s shown or a loosely comprised version of it.
•Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and – you have to blow your nose.
As comedian Aaron Wilburn likes to sing (and I like to remind my wife of this), “If my nose was runnin’ money, I’d blow it all on you. But it’s not.”
•A bird in the hand – is going to poop on you.
Welcome to 2017. Get used to it.
Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.