So I guess there’s a herd of longhorn cattle that has for years been running free in the Hartshorn area.
Exactly – right now your thinking, “say what?”
Well, you never know what might show up in a report written by a Texas County Sheriff’s Department deputy, and that’s exactly what one recently wrote about. Yep, apparently an officer was dispatched to investigate a sighting of “about 45” cattle on a property on the far eastern side of the county. But during that investigation, some interesting tidbits of information were uncovered.
One fascinating piece was offered up by some residents of the area in question, who told the deputy the animals were probably part of a herd of feral longhorns that have been in the area for years. That, in itself, would be enough to get my attention; but there’s more.
You see, these are obviously no ordinary feral longhorns (man, I love that phrase) because they leave no trace of their existence – at least none that the Texas County law officer was able to detect.
As was noted in the written report, no sign was evident in the yard where a person said the crowd of big beasts was initially observed, nor in the adjacent forest where another person said they went when they left.
How awesome is that? Despite each weighing up to a half-ton or more, these bovine wonders of nature are able to tiptoe around a field or forest without leaving a sign. Not a single footprint, smashed shrub – nothing.
And I mean nothing, because they’re apparently also able to dine and dash without leaving a patty-shaped clue. Now that – for a colony of cattle – is inarguably amazing. No ordinary feral longhorn (man, I love that phrase) could come and go with such clandestine gastrointestinal genius; these have to be special.
The more I think about it, the more I’m intrigued. In fact, I just want to corral one of these remarkable creatures and get it onto America’s Got Talent. In my estimation, this beats a piano-playing chicken any day, and I have a feeling Howie and Simon would whole-heartedly agree.
All it would have to do is stand on a foam pad or something like that, and the evidence (of lack thereof) of its talent would be clearly recognizable. Surely stardom would follow.
No ordinary feral longhorn (man, I love that phrase) could hold a candle.
But why stop there? Such skill and know-how shouldn’t be kept under wraps, but rather shared.
In turn, we need to get a group of scientists to study this phenomenon, so the technique being utilized by these animals can be applied in as many other ways as is practically possible.
Think of it: Once their secret is analyzed and exposed, so many animal-related activities and industries would benefit. For example, horses could be taken off-trail without gauging out previously undisturbed landscape, pigs could be allowed to run free without tearing up virtually every inch of land they come in contact with and cattle could be allowed to graze on golf courses without so much as leaving a scratch on a green or tee box.
And no more dog doo bag dispensers at big city parks!
Just sayin’.
Feral longhorns, eh?
I think that might just be the corn squeezin’s talkin’.
But, hey, you never know. As Fox Mulder would say, “the truth is out there.” And so, too, could a bunch of feral longhorns that aren’t just ordinary feral longhorns (man, I love that phrase).
Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. His columns are posted online at www.houstonherald.com. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.