I was clicking around online the other day, pretty much minding my own business in a routine manner while looking at sports and news websites, when one of those block ads on the side of the page caught my eye.
Then it made me roll my eyes.
The ad was for a “raw meat hoodie,” and depicted a zip-up hooded sweater bearing a pattern that totally looked like a relatively well-marbled cut of steak. Yep, a steak sweater. I think it was a ribeye, but I’m really not sure; it could have been a sirloin.
I was like, “wow, food fashion gone wild.”
Of course, if someone was to actually wear a raw steak sweater, then why stop there? As we all know, it’s important to properly accessorize when trying to put together the perfect ensemble.
So, if I was a man and decided to go to the mall with my wife wearing my ribeye garb, I’d probably want to consider donning a Vidalia onion cap and maybe a pair of baked potato oxfords.
If I was a woman and went with my favorite filet mignon dress, I’d likely compliment it by going for the head-of-cabbage purse and perhaps a set of mango sneakers. If the weather was cold, I might even top things off with a knit cap that looks like an apple.
It occurs to me that this form of fashion wouldn’t work for several relatives in my family (both on my side and my wife’s) who are either vegetarian or even vegan.
I’m sure they would be OK with the fruit and veggie accessories, but for the main focus of their look, they would need something bearing a more acceptable pattern, like maybe a massaged kale salad. And how could anyone go wrong with a seaweed flakes pattern blazer or jean jacket?