At the beginning of each new year, there’s always a lot of banter about things that happened during the past year.

In a long-standing tradition that’s existed since last Thursday (when I thought of it), here’s a look at some things that didn’t happen in 2018.

•Laurel never got over its battle with yanny.

Following the inexplicable May outburst of a debate over who hears what, Laurel reportedly checked into a sound bite rehab facility. Meanwhile, Yanny celebrated its overwhelming non-victory by traveling to South America to take on Laurel’s cousin, Floral.

•Elon Musk, founder and CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, didn’t smoke pot while overseeing the inaugural launch of the awesome Falcon Heavy rocket in February.

But Musk did smoke weed openly in September while being a guest on a podcast hosted by stand-up comedian and MMA color commentator Joe Rogan. Apparently, Rogan lit up a joint during the three-hour show and passed it to Musk, which was perfectly legal since it happened in California. Musk later apologized – not for what he did, but for doing it in a public light.

•A guy didn’t win on NBC’s The Voice.

Not in Season 14 in the spring or Season 15 in the fall. Now it’s a three-season streak for the ladies; you have to go back to Season 12 in the spring of 2017 to find a male winner (not that there’s anything wrong with that). C’mon guys!

•The Missouri Ozarks didn’t experience a “100-year flood.”

That means we’re overdue, because we get them almost every year, and the last one occurred all the way back in the spring of 2017. Wait – that was a “1,000 year flood.” I say it still counts and we’re overdue.

•Russian president Vladimir Putin didn’t stop doling out weird propaganda.

And he ended the year with a bang, claiming toward the end of December that Russia had rolled out an “invulnerable” hypersonic missile that could travel at 27 times the speed of sound and was “impossible to intercept.” Call me a skeptic, but I don’t know, man. That country has leaky oil wells and submarines that spend as much time being repaired in port as terrorizing the oceans of the Earth. And most Russians don’t even get to watch The Voice.

•Many Americans didn’t stop complaining about issues they don’t know many facts about.

But researching is just so hard! And it feels so good to just spout off without any real basis.

•Many Americans didn’t stop acting as if the government and the rest of the public owe them something.

Hey, the government and the rest of the public has “enabled” this for so long, it’s too late to reel it back in.

•Popular music didn’t get better.

Oh, for the days when being a talented musician mattered more and when story telling and subject material was deeper than “look how special I am.” But nowadays, you can have a big hit by repeating, “if I was you I’d wanna be me, too.” Give me a break. At least there’s hope for country music (for now).

•The earthquake known as “the big one” didn’t hit California.

But it will. It’s only a matter of time. The Golden State is host to an elaborate fault system that’s basically a ticking time bomb. Hopefully there will be enough warning for everyone to make it to the “dispensary” one more time before it hits.

•Members of the U.S. Congress on both sides of the aisle didn’t stop acting like babies.

Let’s face it: Compromise, having the best interest of the country in mind and working for the people are out (dated, passé, old-fashioned – whatever). What’s in is insisting on getting your way even if it doesn’t make any sense and is out of line with the desires your own dang constituents.

•The U.S. media didn’t stop picking on President Donald Trump.

And it won’t. Everyone knows that. Yawn.

Have a fine 2019.

Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald.



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