I don’t know of many people who are content or satisfied with the current behavior displayed by members of the United States’ two main political parties who hold public office.

In fact, I’m pretty sure a lot of folks wish a new major party or two would appear whose members might actually do an adequate job of serving the people in the peoples’ best interest, because I’m pretty sure there’s a widespread belief that that’s not happening right now.

With that in mind, I have a few suggestions with regard to the new party idea. My suggestions are largely based on the way members of both the Democratic and Republican parties currently operate, only with less hypocracy and more authenticity.

•Whinocrat Party.

There is so much whining going on in politics these days, but nobody wants to admit to it.

On the contrary, the tendency is to accuse others of whining and claim that you’re just presenting “what’s right.”

This party’s members could simply whine away, but without the baggage of acting like they’re not. If nothing else, it would free them up to try to get their way by griping and complaining without having to appear otherwise.

•Nonsensican Party.

Speaking of accusing, representatives of parties on both sides of the aisle currently act as if everything said by those on the other side is nonsense.

Not all that long ago, it wasn’t that way. Rather than always rolling their eyes and acting as if they were dealing with clowns instead of counterparts, men and women from opposing parties used to talk things through like rational, respectful human beings, and more often than not came up with a viable compromise or direction.

Considering how that type of admirable conduct has pretty much been thrown out the political window, why shouldn’t there be a party that acknowledges that everything its members say is nonsense? I mean, that would make it easier on everyone since that’s what everyone already thinks, right?

Of course, what Nonsensicans say wouldn’t actually have to be nonsense, but maybe presenting it that way might sort of have an opposite effect since nonsense is what’s expected. Clever, right?

•Smudgeupicrat Party.

Members of this party would do what is already done by members of the two main existing parties, but rather than pretend they’re not muddying-up an issue for their benefit, they would simply adopt that as a policy and do it openly.

That way when everyone is unsure or confused by their words or actions, they’ll have no trouble justifying it.

•Fibocratican Party.

Why stop at muddying?

This party’s people would just go ahead and openly lie about stuff.

Again, this kind of thing is already commonplace among the Democrats and Republicans who get elected these days, but at least this party’s people wouldn’t have to fib about whether or not they’re fibbing. No, they could just confidently and comfortably lie in the name of promoting their party’s platform or policy.

Imagine the creativity that could be involved if liars could just be liars. There would no doubt be some very impressive “non-truths” tossed around.

•Ignotarian Party.

This could work on two levels.

1. These days, it often seems like when many politicians speak they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Why not embrace that and let being ignorant become a party policy? Heck, it would eliminate tedious researching and studying (that is already apparently so rare) as political standards and replace them with, well, conjecture and hearsay, which are already highly popular methods employed by members of both major parties.

2. These days, it also seems like members of both major parties like to ignore people whenever they can get away with it. And we’re talking both elected members of the other party and their very own constituents.

I guess if you’re going to be a major politician and ignore people, you might as well let them know what’s coming. Then maybe you won’t be so often bothered by something as trivial as doing your job.

•Sowhatican Party.

When not blatantly ignoring the will of the people, politicians in public office (Democrats and Republicans alike) frequently just act as if people are so dumb that what they think, believe or want doesn’t matter.

It’s like, “heck, I know better than you, so get out of my way and let me do what I want.”

Obviously that’s backward, because a good politician always takes heed of the desires of the people.

Anyway, I realize that there won’t soon (if ever) be another major political party in the U.S. and we’re stuck with what we have for the foreseeable future.

But hey, at least we know how politicians are going to act – even if they want to pretend we don’t.

Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.

Doug Davison

Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Contact him by phone at 417-967-2000 or by email at ddavison@houstonherald.com.

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