As I’ve mentioned several times in the past, being a resident of the Ozarks means being part of an unusual set of unique and distinctive traditions, viewpoints and behaviors.
Here’s another list of random (and silly) examples.
If you know someone who has an “off-road wheelchair,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If your kid thinks it would be cool to play with an off-road wheelchair, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’re willing to drive 30 miles or more to go to a restaurant other than the three or four in town, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever stayed at an auction for more than six hours, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever stayed at an auction for more than five hours without making a purchase, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you consider black walnuts to be a “money crop,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever discussed a big city with a friend and said, “it’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If you get a bit offended when someone talks trash about “The Andy Griffith Show,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If you think camo is a color rather than a combination of green, brown or black tones, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you and your family have ever been the only people enjoying a dip at a remote spot on public land next to a river, and you said “good dog” to your large mixed-breed mutt after it chased away a vehicle full of potential other visitors, you might be from the Ozarks.
If your large mixed-breed mutt has ever barked at a group of buzzards circling at low altitude over the back yard of your house, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you think the stock market is that place down the road where people buy farm animals, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you go to the local non-profit thrift store to make a donation and return home with more stuff than you left with, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you have ever walked into a store that had a sign at the front door that said, “no shirt, no shoes, no service,” and you weren’t wearing a shirt or shoes, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you frequently go to the store in your “side-by-side,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever told someone that something “stinks to high heaven,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If you have ever been to a car show and know more than two-thirds of the exhibitors, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever staged a lawnmower race on your property, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever watched a lawnmower race on someone else’s property, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you’ve ever heard someone refer to Elvis Presley as “The King,” and then said, “actually, that would be George Strait,” you might be from the Ozarks.
If the biggest fish you’re ever caught was pulled out of a pond on a friend’s property, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you would never “ruin” a cheeseburger by putting mayonnaise on it, but you like to smother a baked potato with ranch dressing, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you ever have discussions with friends about how the tomato plants in your gardens are doing, you might be from the Ozarks.
If you have ever heard someone say they were surprised you don’t have a dishwasher, and then pointed at yourself and said, “sure we do; we got one right here,” you might be from the Ozarks.
Ah, yes, life in the All-American Ozarks. You just gotta love it (I sure do)!
Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.
