If you haven’t seen this yet, you really should go online and have a look.
There’s a new product available for anyone to purchase called the Thermonator. Incredibly, the thing is a robotic dog with a flamethrower mounted on its back that has a range of 30 feet.
The company that manufactures Thermonator – Ohio-based Throwflame – sells them for $9,420 (with free shipping, no less) and touts their ability to “deliver on-demand fire anywhere!”
Yep, a flamethrowing dog robot. I’m not sure it will be high on this year’s holiday gift-buying rankings, but I’m guessing there will be a bunch of people jumping on the Thermonator bandwagon (for varying reasons that aren’t all good).
While it sounds sort of outlandish, make no mistake, this is a pretty high-tech item. The quadruped contraption is equipped with night-operation capabilities and a laser sight, and can be controlled remotely using wi-fi or Bluetooth. It weighs in at close to 40 pounds and its battery can last up to an hour.
There are multiple must-see videos of Thermonator in action that can be found online, and I’m here to tell you, this is one intimidating and scary machine. It’s absolutely wild to see it walking or scurrying around, pivoting, leaping and changing angles as it sends a steady stream of fire in whatever direction it’s facing.
I like how Throwflame doesn’t present Thermonator as a weapon, but suggests possible uses such as snow and ice removal, “wildlife control,” and “general entertainment.”
Yeah, right. More like torching your mean neighbor’s SUV or melting his mailbox.
And wildlife control? Yikes! What, you’re gonna have your robot dog chase down and burn up a bothersome deer?
And entertainment? Yeah, let’s play with the flamethrowing robot dog at the family reunion! Can you imagine how much fun Uncle Rosco and the McGillicuddy twins will have with it?
For goodness’ sake, what next, a machine gun-toting robot cat, or maybe a robotic hamster that launches tiny laser-guided explosive projectiles? Or how about something a bit bigger and not animal-oriented, like a portable tank turret that can be affixed to the roof of any hardtop vehicle?
Somewhat surprisingly, flamethrowers are perfectly legal to own and aren’t affected by any form of federal regulation, and they’re not even considered a weapon (so the Throwflame people can present Thermonator any way they want). Not that there haven’t been attempts to introduce legislation, but so far they’ve all been shot down (or maybe burned out).
On Throwflame’s website, you’ll see many variations of flamethrowing gadgets that are available, including (of course) an attachment for a flying drone with a one-gallon fuel capacity and a 25-foot range that allows for 100 seconds of firing time.
Amazing. Can we just say we live in some extraordinarily strange times and this is one wacky world?
Doug Davison is a writer, photographer and newsroom assistant for the Houston Herald. Email: ddavison@houstonherald.com.
I’ll pass.